Marriage and Homeschooling

Friends, I am not an expert in marriage. My husband and I are far from having a perfect marriage. Why have I chosen this topic? Because this year I learned that when you don't work on your marriage, things can unravel quickly. I want to raise this topic in the context of homeschooling because I don't think it gets talked about enough in our communities. We are always throwing our energy into our kids. After all, it IS a huge responsibility to raise children, and on top of that, educate them and also manage the household. Where is there energy left for our spouse?? Earlier this year, I was forced to stop the whirlwind of my homeschool-centric life and focus on my marriage. As you may have guessed, it took a mini-crisis to bring me to this place. My husband and I put our lives on hold while we spoke frankly about where our marriage was at. We shared more honestly than we ever have. About how much we are hurt by the other. About how much we feel very misunderstood and alone in our marriage. They were not easy conversations. There were strong words and many tears.

After 14 years of raising babies, my husband and I could finally take a breather. This year, we had the opportunity to look at each other and say "Now that the kids are more independent, and we are no longer in emergency-mode, who are we to each other? What have we become?"

It was surprising for both of us. We had taken a marriage course 10 years ago and we thought we knew everything we needed to know on how to have a great marriage. But what we didn't realize is that if you aren't proactively working on your marriage, it can drift into a place where loneliness and anger can breed. The resentment enters subtly, creeping in over the years, until it feels like it's too late and recovery feels impossible. And you realize you don't really know the person you have committed your life to.

My message for you is this: If your marriage is great - keep making it a priority and don't take it for granted. If your marriage is less than great - don't lose hope - you're not alone and there IS a better way. Keep persevering and find help. I am putting myself out there because if you are struggling in your marriage, I want you to know that you are not alone. A few resources that helped us this year:

1. Our marriage counsellor (Brent Unrau)

2. Focus on Marriage podcasts

3. Eight Dates (by John Gottman)

4. 2 prayer warriors who really pressed in during our worst days

5. 1 trusted friend who I told EVERYTHING to
   

My husband and I are still working at building our marriage up to a place where we can truly feel love and freedom. We are still in process. Two very different, broken people trying to build a family together. Learning to see the best in each other and learning to be grateful for how God has brought us together. Learning to have positive, instead of negative, assumptions about each other. Learning to lighten up and have grace for the other. I hope that our kids can be blessed by witnessing this year of Mommy and Daddy behaving strangely. I hope they will see that marriage is hard work, but it is rewarding. Marriage shouldn't be an idol - it doesn't solve life's problems. Also, I hope they see that marriage isn't a ball and chain - life after marriage can still be fun and exciting.

Like so many of life's painful moments, my husband and I are confident that God will use these difficult times to bring something amazing into the world. He will find ways to use our broken circumstances for his glory. May you find hope in Him today. As you lay down your own personal stories of disappointment at his feet, may His Spirit fill you with peace and a perseverance to carry on. Nothing is impossible for Him.