Friendships in Homeschool Land (Part 2: Kids)

I'm not writing about socialization here. Can we all just agree that this ISN'T an issue with homeschool kids? I mean, our kids are just normal kids! Some are more awkward than others. Some grown ups are more awkward than others. Some of us are wierd, but isn't that true beauty - freedom from needing to conform? (Don't get me started here...)

I do admit that friendships take more effort for homeschool families. Our children don't have the benefit of being in a classroom with kids for 5 hours a day - a place where, when all is well, friendships can form and blossom. With our kids being at home most of the time, any time spent with friends usually means that someone needs to drive. It means signing up for an extra class or planning an extra playdate. Depending on your child's social need, and on how many children you have, all these little 'extra's' can add up!

How much work does it take? Every family will give you a different answer. For some, the need for friends is quite low and their favourite part of homeschooling is just hunkering down at home. For others, the need is higher and Mom is also Teacher, Driver and Social Coordinator Extraordinaire.

My personal experience has been varied. My kids are ages 5-13 and I find the older they get, the more willing I am to put effort into their friendships. In the early years, it was easy to find playmates. They weren't fussy. At younger ages, they are often just happy to play with siblings. As they enter the tween years, there seems to be a growing awareness of life outside the family and who their friends are. I think this is a healthy transition and I'm quite happy to do what it takes for my kids to find and maintain their 'tribe'. It's a bit trickier to find homeschooled teenagers, but they are out there and the ones that I've met have been pretty incredible young people.

Some tips for helping your kids meet friends:

1. Know their need, don't assume. Sometimes they ask for friends, but they are just bored and would benefit from growing in their personal hobbies. If you put a ton of work giving them what they ask for now, you may burn out by the time they really DO need your help. On the other hand, maybe they look like introverts, but are just scared to make friends because of potential rejection. (I have one of these) For these kids, you may need to go out and find potential friends for them to meet.

2. Know the season you are in. There are seasons of rest, work and play. After a stressful year at school, they may need to just rest and spend many hours buried in books. If your personal life is out of whack, you may want to take care of yourself, before becoming overly concerned about your kids.

3. Find good family matches. This is something my support teacher advised. Keep an eye out for families whose kids have similar ages/interests to yours. Bonus if you enjoy being with their mom. Double bonus if the dads get along. (Rare, but amazing when it happens!!)

4. When you find a potential friend for your child, find an activity they can do regularly together. Or better yet, since we are often motivated by educational opportunities, find a way for them to learn together. The parents can take turns teaching the kids. Or find someone to hire who will teach a small class from your home.

These are just some ideas to get you thinking!

My main message today - as I wrote in Part 1 - is that there ARE good people out there. It just takes patience, prayer and a little effort.

If you have your own success stories or ideas to share, please comment below!