Friendships in Homeschool Land (Part 1: Moms)

Making friends is not as simple as it was in our younger years. We have less time, less energy and less patience it seems. We also understand the risk, as some of us come into our adult years with hurt and baggage from broken friendships.

It'd be easier to stay home. Not to bother making new friends. But we know that for our kids sake, and for our own mental health, we need to find friends.

I've usually been the type to have quite a large social circle, but when I started my homeschool journey, I immediately felt set apart from my friends. Our decision to homeschool created an unspoken divide. Unprovoked, friends suddenly started defending their reason for not homeschooling. Or they would tell me I'm lucky to have the gift of patience so that I can homeschool. I knew in my heart that these dear friends would not be able to provide the support I needed to begin my crazy leap of faith.

For the first few years, it felt impossible to make homeschool friends. I would sign up my kids for homeschool activities, then watch sadly, as the other moms chatted. It seemed they were all old friends. I didn't know how to find someone I could connect with. In those days, I was lonely and tired and frustrated. I wanted to quit homeschooling many times. Thank goodness I had two people who kept me going: my HCOS support teacher and my husband.

By my fourth year, I decided that enough was enough. I started inviting ladies to my house for a monthly night out. Some I hardly knew or were simply friends of friends. I had also started visiting LHEA meetings and by my fifth year, I felt enough confidence to begin thinking about starting a co-op.

At last, our homeschool co-op was birthed in 2015. THIS was where the friendships were formed! It didn't matter if your kid wasn't dressed, or they kept you up all night or if you smack in the middle of a mommy meltdown. The families showed up each week, ready to give what they could, and receive what they needed - hugs, prayer and love.

I believe one of the challenges to building friendships in the homeschool community is lack of commitment and regular contact. Unlike church groups or co-workers, there aren't regular activities that you're forced to do together. Playdates take effort to plan. Dropping off kids at a class doesn't allow enough time to build a relationship.

From my experience, making friends - building a community - finding a tribe, whatever you want to call it, takes work. My encouragement to you is, if you haven't found your tribe yet, is to keep trying!

Many are blessed with friends who are already homeschooling, who can help you through the first years. For those of you who aren't as lucky, do not feel discouraged. Have patience with yourself and others as you navigate the homeschool world. Trust that friendships will come, in time. Trust that God sees you and knows your pain. You never know what tomorrow will bring!